I fear that I am forever doomed to be alone.?

I've been through rejection, lies, ridicule, hummiliation u name it was never one of the cool kids in school I would ask girls out but they would snarl at me and laugh omg I'm sure if u can u can understand what that's like. I've never dated much so I'm not all that experienced... I was always rebellious fought alot of authority. I've developed an obnoxiously deep way of thinking like I feel this world is so rotten and I feel like I don't belong here that there's another life out there for me out there and maybe I'm crazy and that's fine because I've put alot of people in there place because of my knowledge and I do not care what people say about me but do not use that as your answer because there's a difference in being very lonely and being insecure although I do admit I have some insecurities myself it's only human nature after all. And that's why it's so hard to find a girlfriend because these shallow tramps are stupid as **** pardon my French and they do not have the same visionary deep and phylisopphical thinking that I have and that's frustrating because society nowadays has become so superficial that if u wr to try n start an intelligent conversation they look at u all weirdly and that agitated me I've been through all of it and now I'm 22 workin full-time and trying to get back to school and I'm even more lonely and depressed than usual I'm also at an active age which is even worse ryt now I just wanna make up for those lost years get a vagina screw it leave it and repeat that's all that's in my mind right now n I really do not give a hoot what people have to say otherwise because they r not in my shoes. But that's beyond the point I became friends with this 38 years old blonde and I must admit I really like her alot but am too nervous scared and just think she will reject me which I fear alot don't get me wrong I'm not going to be a sore loser about it after all I'm used to it but the anxiety is still there and then I get hurt ...please help?